I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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