The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Randomize
