I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Boobs are out for the taking
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize