as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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