im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize