This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
