Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
