fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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