it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
