whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wish i was in the wii world.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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