apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
