Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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