it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
