We named our party play list daddy issues
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
