dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
