omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
