I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
