Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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