He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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