I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize