Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I miss vodka workout Fridays
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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