Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm too high and old for this...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
