i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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