ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
it was like eating out sand paper
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
