Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
