ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
