just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
