I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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