Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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