Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
3 2 1 whiskey
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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