its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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