Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
