Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
