I'm jealous of your bromance
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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