Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
