I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
