So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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