she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
