So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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