Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
time to smoke my breakfast
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
