drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Randomize
