Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
