I'm really into asian looking animals
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think a kid would responsible me up
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
