he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
