He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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