he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
