just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
