Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
