if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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