i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
