Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
