last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
