my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
