i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
