and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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