the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
