Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
