this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
they need to just BURY HIM!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
