i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
