Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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