he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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