Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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