What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
