Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
