you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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