I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
