She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize