wrigley field is MILF paradise
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
