ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
