Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
