I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Farmville is her only friend.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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