she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
