They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
