i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
