So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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