so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
When did angry sex become our thing?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
