Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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