I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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